If you’ve got a copy of Little Big Planet, please search the Online community for coyote_blue, and play my level.

Let me frame this as carefully as I know how.

1.  Anything that happens to a person at SERE is, at a bare minimum, mock torture.

Torture.  Period.  I don’t want to argue that.  And I will physically fight anyone on that point.  Mostly because of my certainty that anyone who’s actually been to the God-damned school wouldn’t challenge  my position.

2.  In a “ticking-bomb” scenario, I would torture someone in a hearbeat.  For example, I catch a man with a detonator, I’d chop off fingers until he told me where the explosives were.  IF I HAD TO.

3. Ticking bomb scenarios DO NOT EXIST.  In the example above, I’d probably find the guy during some kind of operation involving me a) being armed and b) screaming obscenities and waving the weapon around.  Most times, that ALREADY WORKS.  And if it doesn’t work, you’re probably talking to a guy who’d let you chop off his fingers, AND STILL WOULD NOT TALK.

4. There is therefore no legal, moral, or intellectual argument that can defend legalizing torture or “enhanced coercive techniques”.  It does no good for a country to endorse it, and I’d break the law to save a few thousand lives anyway.  That’s what this is about, isn’t it?  Preventing 9/11?  Being “tough enough” to stop it from happening again?

This is the retarded part about this argument.  Show me the fricking AlQaida or U.S. government document that says 9/11 happened because, before the attacks, we weren’t torturing enough people.  You can’t.  I know.

We were attacked because we were stupid and complacent and rich.  We saw USS Cole get attacked, and we blew it off.  We heard UBL declare war on us, chuckled at him, and went back to whatever the hell it is we do.  And when we DID wake up enough to see that people in the poor parts of the world didn’t like us…who cares?  If we were Democrats, we blamed Republican saber-rattling; if we were Republicans, we pointed out that it was perfectly normal for the world to envy, and sometimes hate, America…we’re AWESOME.  Who wouldn’t envy us?

Now, here we are.  I’ll tell you what I’d do, if I were Obama:  EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING.  Ignoring the thing as best he can.  Not hiding it, but trying desperately to let it go.

And I’d be wrong for doing it.  But I wouldn’t have a choice.  A citizen has the luxury of throwing out the System in favor of the ideals that System was designed to protect.  But if I were President, I’d BE THE SYSTEM.

When I look at how this argument is shaping up, I see trouble.  Forcing America to acknowledge its sins now will kill it.  Republicans will not sit still for this.  They WILL turn this to politics, not a legal issue.  The media will push whichever story seems the bloodiest.  And we will pay the price.

So let me ask: does anyone REALLY think America has the guts to see this witch-hunt through?  When every single important issue, at a time when we’re hovering directly above a very real abyss, will be boiled down to red-vs.-blue, thus assuring that none of those issues will actually get solved?  Do we want the blood of the guilty, regardless of its price?

I think every possible outcome of doing the right thing about torture, right now, is worse than leaving it alone.

If we do nothing, we’re wrong.  If we do anything, we’re stupid.

Which is worse?  I’m voting that stupid is worse than wrong.  I’ve never, outside of my soul, seen virtue be rewarded.  And I know for a fact, America has no soul.

I’m sorry, Alyssa.  Everyone knew it was wrong.  You just said so.  It took me longer, but I saw that line, and I know how the pressure feels.  But, perhaps in part because of you, when I fought back, it worked.

But you made two choices that day.  I only agree with the first one.  You should have held on.  It would have gotten better.

I pray your parents find peace.

WHEN I AM KING, let it be known that, upon creating any Work which may be construed as Art, that any such Creator may allow the Work to speak for Itself, or may announce the Work’s Goal or Intent.

HAVING SO CHOSEN, no other person who is not the Creator may change this relationship, nor may any other person ignore that choice.

BY THESE PRESENTS, THEREFORE:

The first Matrix film may not be praised separately from its trilogy, as the Wachowskis announced their Intent that it be understood within the context of a trilogy.

Star Wars IV, V, and VI must be understood as fortunate failures, insofar as that George Lucas did not have the ability to ruin them as he had originally desired.

Alan Moore can continue bitching about his movie adaptations not following his original works, but he must watch each new one before he pronounces it crap.  And at no time may he pronounce a movie crap simply because he didn’t write it.  (Hopefully, this should shut the bastard up long enough to write a few more kickass stories that people can turn into movies. )

Speculation on misogyny in the works of Robert Heinlein may continue unimpeded, even though such speculation is pointless.

Any artist who announces his work was not meant to be racist, sexist, or whateverist, must be taken at his word, unless his word is obviously crap.  As a standard, an author writing a book called All Women Are (Insert Any Word But Female or Human Here), having announced the work as not sexist, may be called out as an idiot.

Hasten my coronation, people, for mine shall truly be a Just and Virtuous Kingdom.

The rumblings have gone out:  possible IRR remobilization for my heading off to Afghanistan.  I’m going to a muster today.

I have some small amount of data about what to expect (and should you, O Unattributed Link-Victim, find said link distasteful, send a tell and I shall remove it).  But the Google is strangely silent on the particulars of which persons who are mustered, deploy.

The Odds Against:

1. Have already been personally screwed by Stop-Loss once.  Chances this will affect their decision to deploy me:  Slim.  At best, it shifts me further down the list.
2. Sheer Numbers.  I know for a fact we’re crankin’ my MOS out into the workforce at ridiculous speeds.  Further, the troop increase in the ‘Stan – 17,000ish? – is far lower than the decreases (if Maliki can slow the pace at which he’s ruining all our progress, so we can get the hell out of there) planned in Iraq.  Finally, it’s the economy.  In this market, the Army meets its recruitment objectives.
3. Time remaining.  If they stay true to “don’t deploy in the first year or last year” system the IRR reportedly attempts to uphold, I’m not eligible under any circumstances.  As in point 1..the theory is not sound.

The Odds For:

1. Maliki.  In my worst nightmare, the tar-baby sucks us right back into Iraq because we’re too damned proud of ourselves to admit that Iraq, as we keep trying to conjure with our various media lenses, just does not exist. The Awakening Movement is set to potentially restart the Sunni insurgency.
2. Which Ones?  If we’re talkin’ 17,000, as in three or four combat brigades, no real changes to personnel types…I’m not really sweating too heavily.  If we’re talking 17,000 in targeted MOS increases…uh. I’ll send you guys lots of pictures from Kabul.
3. Conspiracy Theory.  In a highly cynical, but thoroughly possible universe, the Obama administration has some sort of warning that either a) Iraqi explosion is imminent, not just likely; 2) Israel was being serious when it said it was gonna bomb Iran with or without us; or ω) Pakistan/North Korea/all of the above are on the horizon.  In this option, I’d be more interested in telling you guys which canned goods to stock up for Great World Depression War 2/III.

Update:  I have completed a Devil’s Bargain.  I will not be deploying again unless the Conspiracy Theory angle turns out to be correct.  I will, however, be forced to report for more regular polishings of the Dark Lord Below’s cloven hooves.  For the Magpie, I am prepared to make such compromises.